Archive for April, 2008

The Call

{ April 30, 2008 @ 4:38 am } · { Boyfriends, Family }
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I got home from school today (surprised I actually went… my heart still skips a beat every time I see him) and my brother was on the phone, which is unusual.  With who?  My mother.  The Bitch.  She wanted to talk to me, for the first time in around a year, so I decided why not?  I picked up the phone to her shrill, crack addict voice:

“Kara- I mean Krista” Fuck.  She couldn’t even get my name right.  “I miss you”  Is that right?  The whole conversation went on with her trying to be a telephone mother and my snide remarks.  I want nothing to do with her.  Once a year she comes into my life by telephone and expects she can change the way I live.  No.  I’ve pierced my lip, my ears (11 times) and given myself several tattoos.  It’s no different whether she’s here or not, I’m going to do what I do.  She also tried to tell me I can’t date.  Fuck you, Mom.  I’m more mature than she is.

On the topic of dating, my last boyfriend pretty much hates me now.  I don’t even know what I did.  I can feel the coldness when he passes me in the hallway and it makes my heart stop.  Not fair.  The difference between me and him; when we were dating, I meant everything I said to him and I still do.  He IS immaculate, he IS the most amazing person I’ve ever met.  It hurts so much to know that he probably lied to me when he said I was beautiful, that I was smart or pretty.  I know it’s a lie.  I know because I’m not beautiful.  I’m a retard.  I always have been and a few piercings and an IQ test (172) isn’t going to change that.

I wrote a list to a boy called Taelyr Keeley, because he said he was going to ask me out (lie) of all the things wrong with me:

I’m pessimistic
I’m not very pretty
I can be a total bitch
I have really bad expectations (I’m too romantic)
I’m basically obsessed with death and time
I’m really lazy
I have too many piercings
I wear too much makeup
I’m not good at whatever I’m supposed to do
I complain too much.

I’m basically not a very good person.  I deserved to get kicked in the chest while I was on the ground.  I deserve to get knocked in the face with insults that vary from jokes to full blown locker graffiti.  Yes it has happened.  Every little bit hurts and every bit is a drop in the bucket.  When the bucket is full, it will fall from it’s perch and it will be over.  Lovely metaphor, isn’t it?

Well, I have a lot to ponder.  I’m puzzled at the fact I’m still not over my ex, when we went out for 9 days.  It was different, I swear it was.  I thought everything was great, I was so happy.  But like my gay friend said, love isn’t real.  Nothing that beautiful can exist in a world like this.

To Blog or Not to Blog…

{ April 28, 2008 @ 11:01 pm } · { Drugs, Sex, Teenage Fun }
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Hmm.   I always thought blogging was stupid, or just a waste of time.  But after reading some other people’s blogs (especially the OEN) I decided I could do with one.  Now all I have to do is remember to update it and I’ll be good.  I have a load of free time, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

Last night I came home in a cop car.  What an experience.  I’m glad I didn’t get tasered.  God those things are scary.  I was trying to spend the night in an abandoned building with two friends, one of them my ex boyfriend and the other his fuck buddy.  I have this amazing gift to stay friends with my ex’s.  So she was getting him all riled up and ready while I tried not to look down, and then a flashlight that wasn’t ours shone into the room.  We all froze.  In walked three police officers, one of them asking for me.  Apparently all three of us were reported missing at some point or another.  So they asked if we were on drugs, and thankfully that night we weren’t.  Previous actions that night would lead people to believe that we are.  We ended up walking downtown after we thought someone was in the abandoned building, we stopped at A&W and found pylons.  They made great hats.  Did I mention we were wearing gas masks?  So we decided to march like Nazis to McDonalds and ask for a cup of water.  Each.  No ice, not too warm please.  We waited ten minutes until we could order.  Oh the looks we got.  One of our friends who worked there was going home so we decided to ’stalk’ him to his house.  My lovely friends kept trying to grab his junk.  It was actually pretty funny.

So the cops ended up picking us up at the abandoned building, all three of us with one blanket on a hide-a-bed.  One candle, one hand showing.  One euphoric look on my ex’s face.  It was really funny.

Apart from the suicide attempts and the destroying of all the mirrors in that building, I’d say yesterday was pretty productive.  I’m kind of upset that I didn’t get to sit in the front of the cop car.

And I’m quite glad that my dad doesn’t know that my ex had spent the night prior to these events.

What an experience.