Archive for Boyfriends

F is For Friends Who Do Stuff Together

{ May 1, 2008 @ 3:29 am } · { Boyfriends, Family, Teenage Fun }
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Well, I’m looking into having a friend with benefits. I’ve got a whole bunch who do it with each other. Problem I’ve had all my life. All my friends are friends with each other, so they make plans or something and they leave me out. Assholes. I’m fun.

Dad. The one that pays the bills, buys the food and takes credit for everything good in my life. Yes him. He’s a fucktard parent. I hate dislike him. He’s denying me access to the only people keeping me sane right now. Yes, my friends. The Ex, His Fuckbuddy, and Fuckbuddy’s Boyfriend. The last two I’m allowed to see, but I don’t really appreciate ‘Dad’ calling The Ex a dickhead, prick, whathaveyou. Have some fucking respect. It’s not fair that I am the one getting the short end of the stick. Oh, and apparently, I’m grounded. HAHAHAHA If I’m grounded that just means I’m going out without you knowing, not that I’m not going out. It’s just one big FUCK YOU.

I’m looking into leaving this wretched place.

The Call

{ April 30, 2008 @ 4:38 am } · { Boyfriends, Family }
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I got home from school today (surprised I actually went… my heart still skips a beat every time I see him) and my brother was on the phone, which is unusual.  With who?  My mother.  The Bitch.  She wanted to talk to me, for the first time in around a year, so I decided why not?  I picked up the phone to her shrill, crack addict voice:

“Kara- I mean Krista” Fuck.  She couldn’t even get my name right.  “I miss you”  Is that right?  The whole conversation went on with her trying to be a telephone mother and my snide remarks.  I want nothing to do with her.  Once a year she comes into my life by telephone and expects she can change the way I live.  No.  I’ve pierced my lip, my ears (11 times) and given myself several tattoos.  It’s no different whether she’s here or not, I’m going to do what I do.  She also tried to tell me I can’t date.  Fuck you, Mom.  I’m more mature than she is.

On the topic of dating, my last boyfriend pretty much hates me now.  I don’t even know what I did.  I can feel the coldness when he passes me in the hallway and it makes my heart stop.  Not fair.  The difference between me and him; when we were dating, I meant everything I said to him and I still do.  He IS immaculate, he IS the most amazing person I’ve ever met.  It hurts so much to know that he probably lied to me when he said I was beautiful, that I was smart or pretty.  I know it’s a lie.  I know because I’m not beautiful.  I’m a retard.  I always have been and a few piercings and an IQ test (172) isn’t going to change that.

I wrote a list to a boy called Taelyr Keeley, because he said he was going to ask me out (lie) of all the things wrong with me:

I’m pessimistic
I’m not very pretty
I can be a total bitch
I have really bad expectations (I’m too romantic)
I’m basically obsessed with death and time
I’m really lazy
I have too many piercings
I wear too much makeup
I’m not good at whatever I’m supposed to do
I complain too much.

I’m basically not a very good person.  I deserved to get kicked in the chest while I was on the ground.  I deserve to get knocked in the face with insults that vary from jokes to full blown locker graffiti.  Yes it has happened.  Every little bit hurts and every bit is a drop in the bucket.  When the bucket is full, it will fall from it’s perch and it will be over.  Lovely metaphor, isn’t it?

Well, I have a lot to ponder.  I’m puzzled at the fact I’m still not over my ex, when we went out for 9 days.  It was different, I swear it was.  I thought everything was great, I was so happy.  But like my gay friend said, love isn’t real.  Nothing that beautiful can exist in a world like this.